


Shattered Dreams

by Mama_Qwerty



Category: Fairly OddParents
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-31
Updated: 2015-05-31
Packaged: 2018-04-02 05:41:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4048348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mama_Qwerty/pseuds/Mama_Qwerty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Having a baby was supposed to be easy. It was supposed to happen when you're ready. So why was it so hard for Cosmo and Wanda?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shattered Dreams

**Author's Note:**

> Hello all! If the summary and title sound familiar, it's because I originally posted this on Fanfiction.net under the name "qwerty-kitties". I cleaned it up and tweaked it a bit, and repost it for your viewing pleasure.
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> ~~~~~

Tears streamed relentlessly down her face, joining the countless others in her already wet pillow. She curled herself into a tighter ball, clamping her eyes closed against the world around her. Cosmo was calling for her in another room, but she didn’t answer. Couldn’t answer. The death of her dreams had stolen her voice away.

~X~X~X~

She and Cosmo had been married for 154 years before deciding to try for a baby. Their godparenting careers were well underway, and the time they had spent with their godchildren made them all the more excited for one of their own. Caution was thrown to the wind and the thrill of ‘trying’ fueled each love making session with even more passion. They had never felt so alive, or so much in love with each other.

Time passed. Too much time. More than what was considered a ‘normal’ amount of time for conception to occur.

After 5 years of trying unsuccessfully, Wanda had finally decided to see the best doctor in Fairy World. Cosmo—eager to make his wife happy and help her achieve her desire of motherhood—had silently gone with her, enduring test after test, month after month, all in an effort to find a reason. He waited nervously for the results, fully expecting the problem to lie with him—because, let’s face it, everything usually WAS his fault anyway.

But if their failure to conceive was due in any part to him, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to live with himself. Wanda’s dreams would die because of his inadequacy.

When the call came to learn the results of all the testing, Wanda sat her husband down and gently took his hand.

“Cosmo, I want you to stay here,” she said, her large pink eyes locked with his green. Worry filled his and his face twisted in pain.

“It’s my fault, isn’t it?” he whispered, tears brimming. His hand shook within hers and she tightened her grip to keep him still. “The doctor told you that it was my fault and that I’m doing something wrong or I’m not good enough. There’s something wrong with me. Oh, Wanda, I’m so sorry!” Loud sobs shook his body as he threw himself against his wife.

“Cosmo, calm down, sweetie!” Wanda soothed, rubbing his back gently. “The doctor didn’t say anything except that the results were ready. I just thought it’d be easier on you if you stayed here and heard it straight from me. That’s all. I mean, you know how you can overreact,” she added with a small smile.

He pulled back with a pout, wiping his eyes. “I don’t overreact!” he cried, receiving a raised eyebrow from his wife. The corner of her mouth pulled into a half smile, and he blushed. “Well, maybe a little.”

“Maybe a little,” his wife repeated with a kiss. “I’ll go see the doctor, and tell you what he said when I get back, okay?”

He looked unsure for a minute, then nodded reluctantly. “Okay, Wanda, if you think that’s best,” he said quietly, looking for all the world like a little boy who had just been grounded.

The pink haired fairy smiled lovingly and kissed his forehead. “I think so, sweetie.”

He nodded slightly again, dropping his head and staring at his fidgeting hands. Tears dripped onto his restless fingers, and he occasionally hiccupped with muted sobs. Wanda reached forward and caressed his hair with gentle fingers.

“What’s wrong, honey?” she asked softly. He shuddered at her touch, his sobs intensifying. When he spoke next, his voice was raspy and choked with tears.

“Wanda?”

“Yes, sweetie?”

“Would . . . would you still love me if . . . if it WAS my fault?”

Wanda sat back with a startled jerk. She stared at Cosmo with wide eyes, scarcely believing she had heard him properly.

“Cosmo, do you actually think I’d stop loving you if . . .”

He nodded but didn’t lift his head. He couldn’t look at her. He was too afraid.

“I know how much you want a baby . . . and if it’s my fault you can’t have one . . .” He shrugged. “I just thought . . . maybe you’d . . .” A loud sob shook him suddenly, and he roughly wiped at his wet cheeks with his shirt sleeve.

Wanda watched her husband cry and felt like doing so herself. Not out of sadness, but out of love. The very idea that she would simply stop loving him because of the possibility of never being able to give her a child was very real to him, and it terrified him to think it may actually come true.

Smiling warmly, Wanda reached forward and pulled her weeping husband close. He trembled at her touch, his body ridged and full of worry.

“Cosmo,” she whispered into his ear, her breath making him shiver. “I will always love you, no matter what. Remember our wedding vows? For better or for worse, in sickness and in health. Whatever life throws at us, we’ll get through it, together.” 

He finally raised his head and peered at her with red, puffy eyes.

“Even if you can’t have a baby?” he whispered as fresh tears slipped down his cheeks. “Even if you COULD have one with someone else?”

She nodded, still smiling. “Even then. Cosmo, I don’t just want ‘a baby’. I want a baby WITH YOU. I love you so much, sweetie, and I DO want kids, but only if they’re with you. If, for whatever reason, we can’t have any, well then we’ll get through it together.” She rested her forehead on his. “That’s what people in love do.”

Cosmo uttered a shuddery moan and wrapped his arms around his wife, hugging her tightly. He sobbed into her chest as Wanda’s tears fell silently into his hair.

“I love you, Wanda!” he said, his voice muffled. “I love you so much it hurts sometimes! And I want to give you a baby, I really do! I don’t know why it’s not working!”

“Well, that’s why I’m going to see the doctor now, remember?” she said gently, a small smile curling her lips. “He’ll tell us what’s wrong and how to fix it.” 

Her husband nodded against her chest, his sobs slowing.

“Okay,” he sniffed, pulling back and wiping his face with his sleeves. “Go see the doctor. I’ll be waiting right here.” 

She smiled and kissed him again, once on each cheek. “Okay, honey. I’ll be back in a little while. Love you!”

“Love you too,” Cosmo replied as Wanda lifted her wand and poofed away.

He sat and stared blankly for a moment before lying down and curling into a tight ball. Sure, she still loved him now, but what about later? After the appointment?

He began to cry again, and this time he sobbed loudly and freely.

~X~X~X~

She turned her face to her soaked pillow and sobbed into it. Cosmo had discovered where she was and now knocked on the closed and locked bedroom door, calling her name. No matter how hard she tried to hide her tears or muffle her sobs, he still heard, and it upset him terribly to know she was hurting.

His timid knocks soon became urgent poundings, and the once worried cries evolved into frantic pleas. He was becoming hysterical, and if Wanda didn’t do something, he’d hurt himself trying to get to her. In this frenzied state of mind, he would completely forget he had magic at his disposal, as well as the ability to transport himself at whim.

Wanda turned to call to him, to tell him she wanted to be alone, but she caught a flash of white as her eyes flicked past her bathrobe and she flinched. White robes looked a lot like white coats. White lab coats. Like the ones doctors wore.

Like the one the doctor wore this morning when she had gone to meet with him to learn the results of the many tests she and Cosmo had endured. To learn the fate of her dreams.

She moaned and turned her face back into her pillow, her eyes clamped tightly shut against the memory. A memory that surfaced nonetheless.

~X~X~X~

Wanda stared ahead blankly, past and through the doctor sitting at the desk, speaking in that soft tone they must teach at medical school. His hands were clasped together tightly, sitting neatly on top of the medical files belonging to herself and her husband.

They were moderately thick—she and Cosmo had been through a lot of tests—and the doctor had tried to show her various pages inside them, pointing out various things that meant nothing to her. He had finally put the files where they were lying now, and told her, gently and in no uncertain terms, that the problem that was keeping them from conceiving did not lie with Cosmo.

To say the news shocked her would have been like saying Jorgen was a little strict. She literally felt as though the world had dropped out beneath her, followed by someone punching her in the gut just for good measure. She felt dazed and bewildered.

For once, Wanda—the one who was ‘the rock’ upon which everyone else depended—felt just as helpless and defenseless as a newborn kitten.

“Me?” she whispered through numb lips, breaking the doctor in mid-sentence. “I-it’s my fault?”

He frowned and waved a hand. “Wanda, please,” he said softly. “It’s no one’s ‘fault’. Sometimes things just happen, and ‘fault’ has absolutely nothing to do with it.” 

Wanda shook her head slowly. “But, Cosmo passed all of his tests. And mine . . .”

“These tests are not ‘pass/fail’, Wanda,” the doctor said gently. “They just tell us how your bodies are working. Cosmo’s is working as it should—“

“But mine isn’t,” she interrupted, suddenly angry. “My body isn’t doing what it should. Even though I’ve never had a problem before, and I haven’t done a thing to deserve anything like this, my stupid body isn’t working.”

“Technically, it IS working. Just a little too well. Your immune system thinks that anything that doesn’t belong in there is an enemy and it sends out antibodies to destroy the threat. Whenever you and Cosmo make love, your body thinks it’s being attacked and ‘sends out the troops’ so to speak to neutralize the enemy.”

“Except ‘the enemy’ they’re destroying is the one thing I need to have a baby with my husband,” Wanda finished, fighting back tears. “Is there anything we can do to counteract this? Turn my immune system off for a while?”

The doctor shook his head. “Anything that would compromise your immune system would also put any possible baby at risk too. Merely ‘turning it off’ long enough for you to conceive would be very dangerous in case you did become pregnant, because then the system would attack the new intruder.”

“The baby,” Wanda whispered, wiping her wet cheeks.

The doctor nodded. “I’m very sorry, Wanda. I wish I had better news.”

“Yeah, so do I,” she whispered and raised her wand to return home.

~X~X~X~

Wanda was torn from the memory just as the bedroom door was torn from its hinges. Cosmo zipped into the room and knelt beside his wife’s bed before the mangled piece of wood even landed, dropping his wand in the process. All that mattered was his wife and making sure she was all right. Tears streaked down his face and he shook violently, his face a mask of worry.

“Wanda, Wanda!” he cried, gently shaking her shoulder. “What’s the matter? What did the doctor say?” A loud sob answered him and he jerked backwards, startled by the outburst. “Wanda! What’s wrong?! You’re scaring me!”

She pulled away from the pillow and turned to him then, her face slick with tears. Her eyes were red and puffy, and Cosmo gasped at the depth of sadness in them. He had never seen such a look from her before. More tears flowed from his own eyes as he gently caressed her wet cheek.

“Wanda,” he whispered, still peering into those sad pink eyes. “Tell me what’s wrong. Please?” What she said next made him drop his jaw.

“I . . . I’m afraid to.”

Afraid? Wanda? The woman who was always in control and always there to help Cosmo, she was afraid? The meeting must have gone even worse than he imagined! He should have gone with her!

“Why are you afraid?” he asked softly, still caressing her cheek with gentle fingers. “You don’t have to be, not when we’re together. Remember? Whatever it is, we’ll get through it together. Remember?” He offered her a weak smile, hoping to see one in return.

She shook her head instead, closing her eyes tightly. “I’m afraid if I say it out loud, that’ll make it true, and . . . I’ll never be . . . we’ll never . . .”

The rest was lost as she sobbed into her pillow again. Her entire body shook with the power of her sorrow, and Cosmo thought he could feel his heart break for her. Whatever the doctor had told her, it must have been REALLY bad.

Feeling helpless kneeling next to her bed, Cosmo stood and quickly walked around it, climbing on behind her. He then gently took hold of her shoulders and rolled her over so he could slightly lift and cradle her in his arms, gently rocking her and caressing her hair. She continued to cry against his chest, and he let her, his own tears falling steadily into her big pink swirl. He was struggling against his own sobs, forcing them down so he could remain strong for his wife.

There weren’t many times he was given the chance to be the strong one in the relationship, and he wasn’t about to allow his own oftentimes overly sensitive emotions to rob him of this opportunity.

Right now, Wanda needed him, and he was going to be there for her.

“Tell me, Wanda. Please,” he said quietly once their tears began to slow. The wife in his arms uttered a shuddery sigh and buried her face in his chest.

“I . . . I c-can’t have children,” she said so softly he had to strain to hear her. The confession caused a shudder to ripple through her body, and Cosmo held her tightly until it passed.

“Oh.”

He wasn’t sure what else to say, so he figured the safest thing would be to say nothing at all.

“My body . . . is too . . . it doesn’t . . .” She was unsure how to explain it so that her husband would understand. She doubted he’d even know what an immune system was, let alone why it would be the reason they couldn’t conceive. In order to explain fully, she’d have to explain what an immune system did in the first place and she wasn’t sure she had the strength for a long, drawn out conversation that ultimately ended with, “and that’s why we’ll never be parents.”

“It’s my fault,” she said instead, making him gape down at her.

“But you didn’t do anything wrong! You’ve always done what’s right and helped people and—“

“It doesn’t work like that, sweetie,” she said, pulling herself from her husband’s embrace. She wiped her face and sighed. Cosmo thought she looked very, very tired.

“Sometimes . . . sometimes things just ARE. There’s nothing we can do to prevent them, or change them. This is one of those things. My body won’t let me get pregnant. It’s my fault.”

He looked at her, slightly confused. “But, if some things just ARE,” he said slowly, “how can it be ‘your fault’?”

Wanda opened her mouth to reply before closing it again after a few seconds. Her husband’s simple view of the world had posed the million dollar question. ‘Fault’ may have been the wrong word in this situation, she supposed, but it was always the first one that came to mind to describe it. Of course, her overactive immune system was no more her ‘fault’ than the color of her hair or the lilt of her voice were. It just . . . was.

The more she thought about it, though, the more Wanda realized that she didn’t feel that her body was ‘at fault’ as much as she felt her body had betrayed her. It wasn’t the fact that her overeager immune system was preventing her from conceiving—because it would most likely expel ANY man’s seed and not just her husband’s—but more like her body had joined the revolt against Cosmo, siding instead with their families and friends. Logically she knew this was not the case, but it didn’t make her feel any less frustrated.

When she first realized she was in love with Cosmo, she had given him everything she could offer—her heart, mind, spirit, and body. And now, illogical as the thought may be, it seemed as though her body was rebelling. It made her feel guilty, almost as though she had lied to her husband for all these years.

It was a stupid, illogical, ridiculous thought, but it was there just the same. And Wanda could not shake it.

“I’m sorry, Cosmo,” she whispered as tears rolled down her cheeks once more, drawing another confused look from her husband. “I . . . I feel like I failed you as a wife. I promised everything to you, but I can’t even give you any children because of my stupid body. I’m so sorry!”

For a moment, Cosmo just stared at his wife, still looking confused. Failed him? Wanda thought she had failed him because of something that she herself said ‘just was’? Didn’t she know how happy she made him, every single day they’re together? Didn’t she know that there was no possible way he could ever stop loving her, no matter what happened? Didn’t she know that she was THE most important thing in the world to him, more important than any possible children they would have, more important than his own life? How could she think it was even possible for her to ‘fail’ him in any way shape or form?

“Wanda, I love you,” he told her softly as he laid a hand on her cheek. “Whether we have kids or not, no matter what happens, I will never stop loving you. You didn’t ‘fail’ anything, you always got straight A’s in school!”

Wanda shook her head. “Cosmo, that’s not what I mean—“

He stopped her by gently pressing his lips against hers and pulling her close. She resisted for a few seconds before surrendering to the kiss and curled her arms around him to complete the embrace.

Cosmo gave her everything he could in that kiss—his love, his warmth, and his strength, what little of it he possessed. His wife was hurting, feeling unsure of herself and sad, and he hoped that the firm pressure of his lips upon hers would be the perfect conduit by which to transmit his feelings for her. He loved her so much it sometimes scared him, and it very often frustrated him how inadequate he was in the brains department to properly convey his true feelings.

Telling her was impossible, his random thoughts always got in the way and he usually ended up saying something moronic or hurtful, or both. Even when he tried to sit and write something for her, to tell her just how much she meant to him and how grateful he was that she had chosen to spend her life with him, he could never find the right words. It was like his brain just refused to allow him access to what little vocabulary he had in order to string more than two words together coherently. 

It frustrated and aggravated him, but it also made him sad to think that after all the wonderful things Wanda had done for him—all the kind, sweet, loving words and thoughtful gifts—he seemed powerless over his own brain to return in kind.

He loved her dearly, and he wanted nothing more than to do nice things for her and say nice things to her and let her know just how appreciated she was and how lucky he felt himself to be and just how darn beautiful and wonderful she truly was . . . but he just . . . couldn’t. No matter how hard he tried.

And he hated himself for it.

But now, when he allowed his body to act freely, and basically told his brain to take a flying leap, he felt in control. It was truly ironic. He felt able to show her how deep his love went and how much he needed her and how full his life had become now that he had her to share it with. Tears slipped from beneath his lids as the true power of his emotions and feelings for his wife surged within him, and he hugged her even tighter. If he could have absorbed her sadness and pain, he would have. Anything to free his beautiful wife of their horrible grip.

A kiss was the last thing Wanda had expected from her husband at that particular moment, but oh, what a kiss it was. She had never felt such raw emotion from such a relatively simple act in her life. The love and passion that flowed through her made her feel a little dizzy, but she held him tightly to her, absorbing and reveling in this emotional tidal wave. The force and power of his feelings amazed her, even surprised her. She knew he loved her, but until this very moment, she had never actually given the depth of his love much thought.

Cosmo was, by nature, usually very timid and clumsy in just about every aspect of his life. He just seemed so . . . out of sync with the rest of the universe, however slightly. Which was, of course, one of the things that had drawn Wanda to him in the first place. He was so unassuming, so childlike in his views of people and the world, but the one thing that struck her about Cosmo, above anything and everything else, was how pure he seemed. There was nothing false or phony about him. With this green haired fairy, what you see is what you get. He didn’t lie, didn’t pretend to be someone or something he’s not, and said whatever was on his mind—sometimes with disastrous results. But he was incredibly refreshing when compared to the various stuffed shirts and pretty boys her father had ‘encouraged’ her to date, mostly because of his ‘business connections’.

Cosmo was like no other fairy she had ever known. He was life personified—a bundle of energy and spirit barely contained in fairy form—and exuded unbridled happiness and laughter almost constantly. His antics sometimes made her laugh, sometimes annoyed her, but always kept her on her toes. There was just no pinning down the way that fairy thought.

Now her husband’s lips pressed firmly, insistently against hers, and she felt her heart flutter madly. The great wave of emotion just kept coming off him, through him, and Wanda tried to pull away, to tell him to stop lest he emptied himself completely, but he held her tightly, almost urgently. This was no timid or clumsy action, this was completely intentional. He allowed—no that wasn’t the right word for this. He was PUSHING his love to her, filling her with its warmth and power. Wanda trembled under the weight of this emotional flood.

He was clumsy, awkward, forgetful and could be kind of stupid sometimes. But he loved her.

And right now, the sheer intensity of his love was scaring her.

“Cosmo . . .” she panted in a whisper when she finally managed to break the seal of their lips. She meant to tell him to stop, please stop, that she wasn’t deserving of such adoration and overwhelming love, that she was just Wanda, and she’d be fine, she was always fine, and she’d eventually learn to deal with the fact that she’d never be a mother, and that she’d be okay, things would go back to normal soon.

She meant to tell him, but never got the chance, because once she spoke his name, he leaned forward to hug her fully, resting his chin on her shoulder. His breath came in quick, shallow pants, as the outpouring of emotions had left him weak.

“I’m sorry I can’t give you a baby,” he whispered, making her eyes leak again. “I wish there was something wrong with me so you could find someone else to give you one. Even if it was Juandissimo, because then you’d be happy again.”

“Oh, sweetie, I don’t—“

“I don’t like to see you sad, Wanda,” he continued, wetting her neck with his tears. “It makes my heart hurt to see you cry, and I get so mad at myself for being too stupid to know how to make you feel better. I love you so much, but I can’t tell you because my brain gets in the way, so I had to show you, but it wouldn’t all come and I couldn’t get it to go right and—“

“Cosmo!” Wanda cried, pushing him slightly to look into his watery eyes. “Do you mean that all that love and emotion I felt . . . that wasn’t all of it?”

He shook his head sadly. “Not even half, I don’t think,” he said softly, worry clouding his face. “I’m sorry Wanda, I couldn’t control it very well and that’s all I could give you. I know it wasn’t much, but I . . . I wanted to make you feel better.” Large tears rolled down his cheeks as he offered his wife an apologetic look.

Wanda gaped at him. ‘Wasn’t much’? Was he serious? That incredible tidal wave of positive emotions and that wasn’t even HALF? How was it possible for such a little, unassuming fairy to possess such an unbelievable amount of love within him? And all for her?

Her heart fluttered, and a pleasant warmth began to fill her. It joined with what Cosmo had given her, and flowed quickly to every part of her body, making her tremble at its power.

“Oh, honey,” she said lovingly, caressing his wet cheek with a shaky hand. “You did make me feel better. I . . . I never knew you loved me so much. What you gave me was incredible, and I was actually a little worried that you’d give me so much that you wouldn’t have any left!”

He smiled weakly, a slight blush creeping across his cheeks.

“I wanted to give you so much more,” he said quietly. “I wanted to fill you with it so you could be happy again. You were so sad when you thought you did something wrong, and I wanted to show you that I love you, no matter what, and that I couldn’t stop, even if I wanted to.”

She smiled and pulled him close for a gentle hug, her tears flowing once more. “Thank you, Cosmo,” she whispered into his ear. “Thank you so much for loving me and being so sweet and caring so much. Thank you!”

Shocked, and more than a little confused, Cosmo slowly wrapped his arms around his wife. She was crying again, did that mean she was still sad? Had he done something wrong by trying to give her his love? She seemed happy a minute ago, maybe he had done something right. But then why did she sound sad again?

“Are you crying because you’re sad or happy?” Cosmo asked quietly. He hated when he had to ask what was probably an obvious question, but would rather know for sure before saying anything else. His wife laughed slightly against his ear.

“I’m happy, sweetie, very happy to have a wonderful husband like you!”

He smiled, blushing slightly. He never did understand why someone would cry if they were happy, but that didn’t matter right now. What mattered was that Wanda was happy, and it was because of him. He wasn’t exactly sure just what he’d done that was so special, but as long as she was happy, he was happy.

“I’m sorry about . . . uh, well . . .” Cosmo wasn’t exactly sure how to phrase it so Wanda wouldn’t feel sad again. “The appointment this morning. I’m sorry. I should have gone with you.”

She shook her head against his ear. “That doesn’t matter, sweetie,” she said softly, the slightest tremor in her voice. “It wouldn’t have changed the news.”

“I’m sorry about that, too,” he whispered, rubbing her back gently. “I’m really, really sorry.” To his amazement, she laughed softly.

“So am I,” she whispered back. “I feel sorry for myself . . . and for you.”

He pulled back, looking surprised. “You feel sorry for me? Why?”

“Well,” she started shakily, swallowing hard. “Because of me, now you’ll never have children. I know you were looking forward to being a daddy . . .”

“I think you wanted to be a mommy more,” he said honestly, and grimaced when she began to cry again. “Oh, Wanda, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to—“

“It’s okay, sweetie,” his wife said, wiping her face quickly. “It’s not your fault. It’s . . . it’s just going to take some time for it to . . . not hurt as much. It’ll get better, you’ll see.”

Cosmo looked unsure. He didn’t think that there’d ever be a time when she didn’t feel sad at the thought of never being a mother. Wanda offered him a weak, teary eyed smile and the reality of her actions suddenly hit him. She was trying to be the strong one again, to endure as much as she could silently so she wouldn’t upset Cosmo. In most cases, he let her, mostly because if he dwelled on things too long he’d work himself into a tizzy, but this time was different. 

This time SHE was the one who needed to be protected. This time he wouldn’t let her suffer silently and alone. This time he was going to be a man and stand by her, supporting her, helping her, comforting her.

It was his turn to be the rock.

“I want to help,” he said simply, drawing a questioning glance from his wife. “I want to help you. Can I?”

“Cosmo, I’ll be fine. I just need to—“

“You’re still sad, I can tell. I don’t want you to have to be sad alone just because of me. I want to help you so you’ll be happy again. Will you let me help? Please? Just tell me what to do and I’ll do it. Please Wanda? It’s my turn to help you. It’s not fair that you have to be the strong one all the time, especially when it’s something that hurts you so much. I can be strong, if you tell me how. Let me be strong for you, okay Wanda? Okay?”

His wife sat speechless. It wasn’t the fact that Cosmo seemed to know what was going on that shocked her, it was the insistence in his voice. He really wanted to help. She doubted he fully understood the full depth of her sadness regarding this issue, but he saw how it hurt her, and he wanted to help take that pain away. She smiled, the tears still trickling down her cheeks.

“Okay, Cosmo,” she whispered, making him smile widely. “You can help. I think you may be the perfect person in the whole universe to help.”

“Great!” he exclaimed, grabbing his wife’s hands. “Tell me what to do, Wanda! What can I do to make you happy? And don’t pretend you’re okay when you’re really not, because I’ll know!”

“For right now, I’d really like it if you held me, Cosmo,” she said quietly, wiping her wet cheeks. “Just hold me. And don’t be worried if I cry again, because crying helps the pain go away.”

“O-okay,” he said shakily. He didn’t fully understand how crying could make you feel better, but he’d do as she asked. He’d do anything she asked of him, no matter what, as long as it helped her feel better.

Cosmo leaned against the headboard and curled his arms around his wife as she lay against his chest. He gently caressed her shoulder as they lay in silence, each absorbed in their own thoughts.

Wanda wept quietly on and off, once breaking down into such strong sobs she shook the whole bed, and Cosmo held her tightly until the crying spells passed. He cursed himself more than once for not being smarter, because he was sure a smarter man would have figured out the perfect thing to say to make his wife happy again. A smarter man would have had Wanda smiling and back to normal by now.

But he wasn’t a smart man. He was Cosmo. He was a fairy who had taken 10 years to graduate from high school, and had barely passed the Fairy Academy. He was a fairy who got confused easily and sometimes wasn’t really sure of what was going on around him. He was a fairy who depended on his wife for just about everything, because he wasn’t smart enough to take care of himself. The list of his inadequacies was seemingly endless, and it frustrated and irritated him to know that he couldn’t give Wanda everything she ever wanted in life because of them.

But.

He was also a fairy who loved his wife dearly, and would give his life for her, if need be. She was everything to him, and he would do everything and anything she asked. And hoped it would be enough.

“Are you going to be okay, Wanda?” he whispered when she had been quiet for a while. She had stopped weeping and just laid still, her head resting on his chest. “Is there anything I can do? Just tell me. Whatever it is, I’ll do it.”

Wanda was quiet for a long time after he spoke, and Cosmo decided that she must have fallen asleep. She had cried a lot this afternoon, and crying for a long time makes him sleepy, so it made sense. He kissed the top of her head and gently ran his fingers through her soft pink hair when she finally spoke.

“I’m never going to be a mother,” she said quietly, her fingers fidgeting restlessly with Cosmo’s shirt button. “I’m never going to have a son or daughter with your eyes and my brains, never going to feel our baby grow in my belly, never going to see their first steps or hear them call me ‘Mama’ or see them with their first wand or . . .” She sighed, a very sad and tired sound. “Oh Cosmo, why did this happen to me? Why not Blonda, who never wanted kids anyway? I’ve always been the good girl, I always did the right thing and behaved and never hurt anyone. Why me? Why us? Why??”

“I-I don’t know,” he replied, his voice trembling. Being ‘the strong one’ was a lot harder than he originally thought, and his strength was rapidly dissipating. The pain in her voice was unmistakable, and he felt a combination of frustration and sorrow flow through him at the sound of it.

Oh how he wanted to just wave his wand and make her happy again! To take away her pain in an instant, even if it meant taking it on himself.

“I’m sorry, sweetie,” she said suddenly, pushing herself into a sitting position and wiping her face. “I know this is hard on you. I-I’ll be okay. I’m just going to need some time to--”

“I wish I wasn’t me,” Cosmo whispered as tears rolled down his cheeks. Wanda stopped and looked at him, surprised.

“Cosmo . . .”

“I wish I was smarter so I knew just the right thing to say or do to make you feel better. I wish I was stronger so you didn’t feel like you had to hide your emotions to keep me from getting upset. I wish I was a better husband so you didn’t have to deal with this all by yourself. I want to help you Wanda, I really do, but I just don’t know how! I’m so stupid I don’t know what to do when you cry except hold you and cry with you! I’m so stupid I don’t know what to say that will help! You’re so sad, and hurting so much, and there’s nothing I can do about it! All because I’m not smart enough!”

His voice steadily increased in volume so that by the time he finished, he was practically screaming. Tears streamed down his cheeks in rivers, his face turning bright red. Wanda watched with mounting worry—he was becoming frighteningly hysterical. She had known Cosmo long enough to recognize these signs, and they always scared her.

Early in their relationship, Cosmo was riddled with low self-esteem and insecurities, and he had occasionally fallen into episodes of extreme self-loathing, usually spawned by some incredibly stressful or traumatic event. Depression could hit the little green haired fairy like a freight train at a moment’s notice, and he would try to push Wanda away, insisting that she didn’t deserve to be treated so badly just because of him, and that she’d be better off without him.

When their parents had expressed extreme disapproval of their relationship, he locked himself in his room for two days and refused to eat or even open the door until Wanda had been able to coax him out. (Thus began Mama Cosma’s extreme dislike of the pink haired fairy. SHE had been able to lure her darling Cosmo Lo-lo out when his own mother couldn’t.)

When the two went out on dates, bullies from school would sometimes taunt and tease them so badly that Wanda would need to poof them to a quiet, secluded spot in order to calm Cosmo down.

That was bad, but what happened during finals week at the Fairy Academy was much worse.

Late one night, when Cosmo still didn’t understand the lessons after they had spent hours and hours studying, he had cursed his stupidity by repeatedly bashing his forehead against the desk. The sheer force and power of his self-hatred scared Wanda horribly, and he had continued until Wanda’s frightened tears made him stop. That particular incident had never happened since, mostly because it had startled her very badly, and he had promised her he wouldn’t hurt himself anymore.

The ‘episodes’ had tapered off considerably since graduating from the Academy, and Wanda had begun to think that Cosmo might have been becoming more accepting of his shortcomings. He laughed at his mistakes more and seemed more than happy to rely on Wanda in areas he wasn’t familiar or skilled with.

But his reaction now was eerily reminiscent of that night at school, and she watched worriedly as her husband plunged his hands into his hair and yanked hard at his scalp. He was sobbing loudly and pulled his face into a grimace of hatred.

“Cosmo!” she cried, pulling at his arms. His hands were great iron fists in his hair, and he gave another hard yank while moaning. “COSMO! Stop it, please!”

“You deserve better than me!” he sobbed, curling his knees to his chin. “I’m so stupid and weak and cowardly and STUPID! You deserve someone who can give you everything you want and can do things right the first time and can say the right things and won’t mess things up all the time . . . you deserve someone else!”

“And you deserve someone who can bear your children!” Wanda shouted, making him stop instantly. He released his hair and looked at her with shocked, puffy eyes.

“Wanda—“

“You deserve someone who can have your children,” she said again, locking his eyes with hers. “You deserve someone who is more fun-loving and free and open to new adventures and won’t tie you down. You deserve someone who isn’t boring.”

“But I don’t want anyone else,” he said quietly, lowering his hands. “I want you.”

She smiled at him, wiping the tears from his cheeks.

“And I don’t want some other guy,” she whispered, shaking her head slightly. “I want the sweet, sensitive, goofy guy I married. The only person I’ve ever really loved in my whole life.”

“Me?” he guessed with a half smile.

She nodded with a soft laugh. “You. As long as you’re with me Cosmo, I’ll be happy. Remember what I said this morning? If we can’t have kids, we’ll get through it.”

“Together,” Cosmo whispered with a smile. “We’ll get through it together.”

She nodded. “Together,” she agreed, giving him a soft kiss. “That’s what people in love do.”

“I love you Wanda,” he whispered, pulling her close in a tight embrace. “I’ve never loved anyone in my whole life more than I love you.”

She smiled and hugged him tight. “I love you Cosmo. I could never imagine loving anyone else.”

They sat that way for a long time, hugging, crying and mourning the death of their dreams for children.

Jorgen was surprisingly sensitive to their request for a godparenting break, and allowed them as much time as they needed. Cosmo and Wanda used their time off for emotional healing, and returned to their jobs with renewed excitement.

Wanda wasn’t exactly sure how long it took before she stopped crying whenever babies came to mind, but it did eventually stop hurting. Oh sure, she had her bad days—sometimes on Mother’s Day, or whenever she was feeling over-emotional to begin with—but she eventually accepted the truth and found peace. Life went on, and she was generally a pretty happy fairy.

Cosmo’s self-loathing episodes never reached quite the same level of hysteria since that afternoon in the bedroom—and in fact, seldom returned—and he tried to be more attentive to his wife. He could still be a little slow on the uptake sometimes, but he tried, and she appreciated it.

They had happy times, sad times, angry times, times when the familiarity of seeing the same face for thousands of years took its toll, and times when they irritated the hell out of each other. But, as any married couple can attest, that’s what comes with overwhelming and unending devotion.

Godchildren came and went, but the love and support Cosmo and Wanda had for each other remained solid. No matter what life or godparenting threw at them, their bond and devotion to each other kept them strong throughout.


End file.
